During an especially hectic time in my life, I realized an interesting thing about myself: although I had no difficulty “delegating”, I often resisted “asking for help”.
What’s the difference?
Both involve asking another person to do something for you. But clearly, in my mind there was a difference. And this difference, whether perceived or real, affected my productivity.
So I started paying attention to this habit of mine, and discovered something fascinating.
Here is the story of my fascinating discovery:
One day, although I was already very busy, I decided to set up a couple of blogs. Also, I wanted to install and configure the tool by myself (vs. outsourcing it) because I wanted to learn about this technology.
I noticed a big difference in my approach this time, compared to other times when I tried to do something new.
When setting up my blogs, I realized that I started my project by talking to someone very knowledgeable about the topic. I got his advice and suggestions on what to do, what not to do, ideas on setup and layout, and so on.
Then, as I tried to implement it, I observed myself doing something very unusual again: as soon as I hit a roadblock of some sort, if I couldn’t figure something out within a few minutes, I’d ask for help.
Bottom line: in one afternoon, I completed something that would have probably taken me DAYS to do without this help.
What allowed me to ask for help? What cause this shift in my approach?
For starters, I wasn’t on “auto pilot” — I was consciously paying attention to how I went about my blog project. Typically, I like learning by doing and used to spend a lot of time tinkering, fiddling, researching, reading. Because I found this process enjoyable, I would many times lose track of time and forget why I was doing what I was doing! This time around, I was mindful of what I wanted: the good-looking and functional blog, as well as the enjoyment of learning how to set it up.
Second, I used a simple practice to understand when and why I didn’t or couldn’t ask for help.
A Powerful Practice
Every time you feel unproductive, ask yourself:
- What part of me is resisting asking for help?
- Who would I have to be, in order to ask for help?
Answering these two questions can be very revealing.
It certainly was for me! I discovered that I hesitated to “ask for help” in situations where I felt vulnerable, and “delegated” quite happily in situations where I did not feel vulnerable.
So by addressing the “vulnerability” factor in a given situation, asking for help became as easy as delegating for me.
A Useful Resource
For more information on this topic, check out the book You Are What You Say: The Proven Program that Uses the Power of Language to Combat Stress, Anger, and Depression
