During an especially hectic time in my life, I realized an interesting thing about myself: although I had no difficulty “delegating”, I often resisted “asking for help”.
What’s the difference?
Both involve asking another person to do something for you. But clearly, in my mind there was a difference. And this difference, whether perceived or real, affected my productivity.
So I started paying attention to this habit of mine, and discovered something fascinating.
Here is the story of my fascinating discovery:
One day, although I was already very busy, I decided to set up a couple of blogs. Also, I wanted to install and configure the tool by myself (vs. outsourcing it) because I wanted to learn about this technology.
I noticed a big difference in my approach this time, compared to other times when I tried to do something new.
When setting up my blogs, I realized that I started my project by talking to someone very knowledgeable about the topic. I got his advice and suggestions on what to do, what not to do, ideas on setup and layout, and so on.
Then, as I tried to implement it, I observed myself doing something very unusual again: as soon as I hit a roadblock of some sort, if I couldn’t figure something out within a few minutes, I’d ask for help.
Bottom line: in one afternoon, I completed something that would have probably taken me DAYS to do without this help.
What allowed me to ask for help? What cause this shift in my approach?
For starters, I wasn’t on “auto pilot” — I was consciously paying attention to how I went about my blog project. Typically, I like learning by doing and used to spend a lot of time tinkering, fiddling, researching, reading. Because I found this process enjoyable, I would many times lose track of time and forget why I was doing what I was doing! This time around, I was mindful of what I wanted: the good-looking and functional blog, as well as the enjoyment of learning how to set it up.
Second, I used a simple practice to understand when and why I didn’t or couldn’t ask for help.
A Powerful Practice
Every time you feel unproductive, ask yourself:
What part of me is resisting asking for help?
Who would I have to be, in order to ask for help?
Answering these two questions can be very revealing.
It certainly was for me! I discovered that I hesitated to “ask for help” in situations where I felt vulnerable, and “delegated” quite happily in situations where I did not feel vulnerable.
So by addressing the “vulnerability” factor in a given situation, asking for help became as easy as delegating for me.
. Chapter 4 has a whole section about how and why people are unable or unwilling to ask for what they want. And how they can become more comfortable in this area, if they want to.